


left behind

by paperthinn



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feelings Realization, Other, Sad Ending, Season/Series 11, Temporary Character Death, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24086434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperthinn/pseuds/paperthinn
Summary: "The team loves you," Spencer says; it's completely and utterly true.
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Savannah Hayes/Derek Morgan
Kudos: 15





	left behind

**Author's Note:**

> lil filler fic because i'm writing a drarry fic that's like 6k words and growing. i just rewatched the episode where derek becomes a dad and whew chile here's this angsty little piece because morganreid was endgame
> 
> mind the notes at the bottom, please!

[11x18 —]

"The team loves you," Spencer says; it's completely and utterly true. He looks at Derek desperately, hoping he can understand that there are people worried for him. The man is about to be a dad, his wife was shot, and now as they stand in a dim waiting room, Spencer ponders everything they've done that got them here.

"Do _you_ love me?" Derek asks, searches Spencer's eyes for any answers he can find. Spencer looks sad, tired, the tea he'd brought cooling rapidly on some stupid hospital table. Spencer takes a moment. Of course he loves Derek — they've known each other for too long for him _not_ to. 

"Of course." Spencer replies, frowns. He feels a bit insulted, being asked such a question. He loves Derek, he really does. It's different than JJ, or Penelope, or Hotch, and it's so much different than Tara and Rossi. He has a love for the team, and then he has a love for Derek, and those loves are so different in their own ways.

Derek nods, turns around and picks up the cup of tea. Spencer doesn't know what to do, awkward now in this situation, and he leaves before Morgan can turn around. He runs the probabilities of Derek being upset at his absence, decides he doesn't want to know them.

Derek runs off. Spencer thought he had been scared six months before, when Morgan was kidnapped, but knowing the man went willingly — it's painful. He still remembers the voicemail Derek left for Savannah, urgently yelling for her to call Hotch. There are times Spencer gets angry, and whether it's because Savannah didn't do it right away or because he has a stupid fucking idetic memory, he doesn't know.

When Garcia connects their call, he knows Savannah is in labor — although he feels ecstatic that Derek is happy, in love with her, he's dreading seeing their child. He loved JJ's kids, seeing them, he loves being a Godfather, but Derek Morgan's child feels different. Morgan begs for _someone_ to take care of his child, and then there's a gunshot, and for a moment Spencer feels like his life just came crashing down on him. He stares at the window, hoping the team doesn't pick up on his panic, curses himself for deciding to be a profiler in a car full of other profilers.

Rossi touches his elbow, leans into him, "It's alright, kid." Spencer nods, it's all he can do, and as the world zooms past his window, he wonders what they'll tell Savannah. Their child is the biggest piece of Derek the team will have left. The car stops, and he's moving on his own instincts; seeing Derek standing there, very much alive, is something he'd thought he would only dream of after tonight.

All he can do is brush Derek's arm, doesn't try for a hug, the familiar blue and red lights flashing in his eyes from the SUV. 

Derek comes to him after, after Spencer learns he's leaving. It feels like the worst moment of his life. Derek's son is named after him. Everything feels like it's tumbling down. Spencer doesn't think he's ever been so crushed in his life. Derek hugs him, wraps him in strong arms, tells him an, "I love you, pretty boy."

Spencer whispers "I love you, too," back, realizes it's real — Derek is leaving him here. He sees a picture of Morgan's son, wishes he hadn't looked. Derek hugs him from the side, brushes a palm through his hair, the smell and feel of him so familiar it hurts.

Then he's gone, and Spencer cries for a long, long time. He realizes he's in love with Derek Morgan somewhere in that time — Spencer Reid vows to never speak of it.

And he doesn't.

**Author's Note:**

> stalk me here ig —
> 
> twitter: hotchnersmind, boomerrjoseph (OfJareau if you want JJ content :-))
> 
> insta: paperthnn
> 
> weeee !


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